Match Report: TSG Hoffenheim (H)

Pre-match: In Sweden, we have a lot of money

I’ll look back at this in December and laugh, but my word we’re lucky with the weather in Berlin sometimes.

Late September, warm sun and blue skies over Köpenick as football’s finest team took to the field again.

After a perhaps surprisingly solid start to the season, the giants of 1. FC Union Berlin welcomed the titans of TSG Hoffenheim. Making them both seem normal sized, respectively. One for the fans of mid-2000s British sketch comedy there.

Hoffenheim is perhaps not a game you’d expect to drive fervour and passion amongst the Unioner.

Certainly it didn’t do so amongst the visitors, whose attendance was so small that the Alte Försterei made the away section smaller than normal, barely 1000 silent visitors marooned in the smallest corner of the stadium.

The Unioner, doch, were in exceptional voice and attendance. The stadium is becoming harder and harder to find space in; we got in around an hour before kick off to find our usual spots jam packed, eventually decamping to the edge of the area near Sektor 4.

A party of Swedes on tour stood near us, lord knows how they managed to get 9 tickets. Actually we do know, they said they all paid loads for tickets but in Sweden they have a lot of money. Good for them. Among the UBI group we celebrate having 1 spare between us.

The Swedes do have to go to Magdeburg tomorrow and they will be mighty hung over if their lack of ability to stand in the second half is anything to go by. So perhaps that’s the universe’s price.

The teams were announced, a couple of Fußball-Gotts from Hoffenheim before the Union lineup was announced.

No space for Tousart or Vertessen in the starting 11 as Schäfer and new boy Jeong came into the lineup.

First half: A six minute fever dream

We kicked off into thumping sunlight, Union straight on the front foot.

I’m absolutely no tactical analyst, but it was immediately clear that Bo Svensson had sent his team out to expose Hoffenheim’s key weakness of being utterly shit on the right of defence and not much better in the middle.

Our unexpected relocation to the other end of the ground paid dividends as a marauding combination of Hollerbach, Jeong and Rothe completely overwhelmed the guests in the opening minutes.

After just two minutes, with the Waldseite just getting into a proper bounce and song, the Hoffenheim keeper fluffed a shaky clearance to the right.

Rothe’s blonde bonce won the header, releasing Hollerbach on our left who won a corner from a desperate last ditch tackle.

Somebody – possibly Jeong, again I can’t emphasise my lack of height enough here – whipped in the corner.

It pinballed in the truest sense, a head, a foot, a knee, potentially an arse, before arrowing to Rothe’s left foot. He caught the sweetest of connections from 8 yards to cannon it in off the underside of the crossbar. Robin who?

I bought my dad to this game, his first ever, and I warned him to wear clothes he didn’t mind getting a bit damp.

A goal after two minutes meant he was sodden, as were we all, as delicious fresh pints flew gracefully through the afternoon sky in celebration.

We were off to a great start, but it quickly got better as Union executed the cunning strategy of doing exactly the same thing again.

Every time we went down the left we seemed to be certain to score. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.

Rothe – what a signing he seems – and Hollerbach combined again to release the latter and we were in again, the visiting defence nowhere.

Hollerbach fizzed in a low ball, Jordan couldn’t quite get there and I think the keeper got a hand on it, but the defender could only stab the ball to Jeong, exactly where Rothe had been minutes earlier.

Our new Korean superstar sent the defender off to the Abseitsfälle for a Kummerling with a filthy little feint before slamming home.

Six minutes, 2-0. The remaining dry patches of clothes were duly wettened as we collectively lost our shit. What a team. What a game.

It didn’t really let up in the first half. Hoffenheim could barely get out of their own half, and we just kept strolling down the left and creating danger at will.

Our position was near-perfect, right at the swell of the excitement and catching flashes of movement through the crowd – a stop-motion Hollerbach popping up between heads at speed as he cavorted down the wing.

It really should have been more, such was Union’s dominance. Every time we went left, Hoffenheim simply crumbled.

Even the Waldseite seemed a bit flummoxed, breaking out some niche songs and not needing to bring the usual wall of noise as the team swatted the opposition away.

Rothe got in, tons of space and time, and it seemed a simple cross to Jordan, but it came to nothing.

Hollerbach pulled his trademark, blasting past the beleaguered right back and cutting in before shaping one just over the bar.

It was as dominant as I have personally seen us play.

At the other end, Hoffenheim offered little, constantly outfought by Khedira and Schäfer in the middle and particularly Vogt and Leite at the back.

Player of the year Ronnow didn’t have a touch at the start, on his 100th appearance no less.

Jeong was everywhere, I can’t even begin to tell you where his nominal position was.

He ran his socks off, at one point haring across the pitch to make a crunching tackle well inside the Hoffenheim half, earning a pat on the back from Schäfer in the process.

Jordan was making a nuisance of himself, picking up an incredibly harsh booking for what looked a fair aerial challenge on the keeper.

A couple of crosses missed him, as they often seem to, but there’s certainly threat there. A sublime chest trap and backheel to almost play in a forward drew plenty of acclaim.

Hoffenheim and their silent fans continued to offer the square root of fuck all.

Towards the end of the half, a raking 30 yarder left Ronnow with a save to make, which our wonder-keeper duly did.

More worryingly, Hoffenheim won a soft free kick in a good position. Less worryingly, whoever took it ballooned the thing so far over that it nearly hit the roof.

Half time came with a feeling of elation and just a sniff of trepidation; the feeling that we should have been well out of sight and the opposition could only improve.

I chatted with a really friendly guy in my extremely weak German at half time about Rothe. Guten Hello Frank, if you ever read this.

I said that the new signings seem to be working really well so far, particularly Rothe and especially as Gosens left so late.

His view was that the club is once again thinking smart and proactively filling gaps. On this showing it’s hard to disagree.

Second half: A 45 minute slog

Owing to beer-purchase-based malfunctions, I missed a decent chunk of the early second half. The crowd at the AF are excellent at storytelling through sound though, so I know that we had two hairy moments and missed one golden chance.

Back at place, beer in hand and eyes on pitch, it was a bit more nervy.

Hoffenheim had made some changes, my god they had to, and were probing a bit more.

It all looked a bit tentative and we looked comfortable, until on about 65 minutes the Hoffenheim left winger got the ball on the left edge of the box, dropped a few stepovers and then cut inside to hammer the ball past Ronnow at the near post.

From nothing it was 2-1 and pulses were racing, not helped by an unchallenged ball into the box and a close range header that was thankfully straight at Ronnow.

In fairness, apart from that we did a decent job of keeping them out, Ronnow largely untroubled even after the excellent Rothe and Jeong had to go off with hopefully minor injuries.

Contract-extender Skarke came on and put himself about before Jordan got himself sent off, but we were really managing the game nicely, even if it felt edgy from the stands.

In the latter stages we didn’t threaten too much, other than Schäfer breaking clear only to be hauled down for what in my country is called a red card. In this one it was just a yellow. Lucky.

Relief abounded as the final whistle blew without too much extra drama, a few corners and free kicks aside.

Beer cups were long empty by this point, saving us from a final dousing of medium-strength pilsener.

Overall, an excellent performance today and one which warranted a more comfortable score.

It looked like a training game in the first half at times. More even in the second, but a win and smiles all round.

Everyone had a good game today, but particular mentions for Rothe and Jeong who not only scored the goals but caused all manner of mayhem throughout. Hopefully their knocks are minor.

Somebody said after the Leipzig game that they could see Svensson’s coaching starting to take effect, and that felt true today.

We defended calmly and with assurance, but we attacked with far more intent than last season.

Where before it felt like puppies bouncing round randomly up front, today felt much more coordinated and planned, while still utilising the forwards’ pace and skill.

Bo Svensson’s men remain unbeaten this season, and long may it continue.

No better place to get drenched in beer on a Saturday afternoon.

Eisern!

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by @Union_Berliner